all i ever

it wasnt easy making it through the make-up session,
but my boyfriend convinced me that's the way it is
& to accept it. i listened. i do n i did.

it was tough going through work past two days with a fever.
mr ho says full attendance is compulsory,
so no complaints.

it was icy cold past two nights,
even with no fan on
and a blanket on

it was encouraging when i created myself this incentive
to work towards the end. tho imaginery, i think
a treat to myself-my boyfriend's presence

and so, i tried to pretend to care & ever-willing to learn
even though i cant really be bothered
at work

finally endured through it &
with all the excitment
i was lookin forward to something non-existent afterall.

no doubt, i was greatly disappointed.
i called ppl to want them to tell me
it's ok it's alright.
no one answered.

i called my boyfriend but i dont know what to say.
to want to talk to his friend,
cos i wouldnt feel the stress.
and i thought i would feel better after hearing a stranger
tellin me life's ok, he's happy n have work tomorrow.
makes me come back to earth.

i'm not certain whether that's correct or not.
i'm only looking for relief through the nonchalance of strangers.
maybe i'm wrong, that you got to tell me
cos i honestly do not know.

i really want to sleep.
i believe i can sleep away everything.
but i simply couldnt manage that.

at the end of it, the lousy report i endured
for the effort i put it,
it really was e worthy feedback i deserved.

i want to appreciate what i have.
to feel happy & contented.

i want to tell myself at least my attachment is over.
my pay-back-days are gone.
i am no longer in debt.

my boyfriend cares enough to try and pacify me,
despite him being all tired and stressed out.
i understand. but i have no idea how the best way
to let him know i do take that in mind.

i never wanted to shout at him,
to make him feel i'm tryin to make things difficult for him.
or that i'm never satisfied.

i do feel as lousy when he dont feel good.
it certainly wouldnt make me feel better
if we end up in a fight.